So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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