someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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