In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
