shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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