I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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