Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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