he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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