$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
