new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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