Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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