hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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