I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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