Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
