So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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