She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
