it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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