I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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