I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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