my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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