I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
