In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
