Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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