My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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