fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
