My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
