We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
A bitchslap is in order.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
