Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
