Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
