I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The best revenge is premature balding
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
