So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just blew my weed a kiss
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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