I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
These tits shall not be calmed
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
