grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
