He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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