I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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