Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
