My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
