guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
