the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
