Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
