tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
