Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
