He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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