she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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