Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
