Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
