somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
