I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
