I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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