My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
