I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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