I just threw up on my dentist
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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